Birth Mom’s one request as she relinquished her rights was that we get a P.O. Box for writing back and forth with her. For the past 3 months we have been writing. The first letters were nearly impossible to write. How do we comfort her, show the love we have for Anna Lee, and show the love we have for birth mom all in one letter? Before writing I asked several people in our lives who had gone through an adoption process what they had done.
Though the wisdom we received didn’t make it any easier to write, it did guide us as we finally forced ourselves to just start writing. Below are the major parts of our first letters with Birth Mom. I’ll have to cut some for the sake of privacy, especially in Birth Mom’s communication to us.
Birth Mom’s First Letter:
In Birth Mom’s first letter to us, she explained that no words could come close to describing the feelings she had gone through over the past month (relinquishing rights). Anna Lee means everything to her, the “fiber of her being,” she explained.
Then she said thank you. She thanked us for making the process even a little bit easier. She said she had to learn more than ever before the difference between selfishness and selflessness. Though it was the hardest thing she’d ever done, she thanked us for making the decision a little easier.
Dear Birth Mom,
Sorry it’s been as long as it has since we’ve written. Every time I’ve sat down to do it I’ve been overwhelmed by how much I wanted to tell you…but that is no excuse. We miss you! Anna Lee is doing so well. She makes us laugh so much and is such a happy little girl.
She loves to sing. She loved your pictures! It is so perfect that you sent her a picture with Twinkle Twinkle Little Star on it because that is currently her favorite song to sing (along with the ABC’s). This summer she and I have had such good time together. It was great being home with her every day. We took a lot of fun trips with our families as well. She LOVES the beach. She is fearless. She was fearless at the beach and is pretty much everywhere. She kept us moving at the beach for sure. 🙂
Currently the only thing she’ll watch is Tinkerbell. Pretty perfect that your name for her is Tink! We hope everything is going ok with you.
Every night when we pray with Anna Lee we pray for you by name. We care deeply about you and hope you know that. We hope you know how much we love Anna Lee as well!
What is best for you in these letters? Do you want to know specific stories? Is that hard to hear? What kinds of things do you want to hear? Let us know!
My First Letter:
Dear Birth Mom,
I hope you know, or at least know as you read this, that we think of you often. The past two months we have thought of you, talked about you, and prayed for you SO MUCH. We care so much about you and we will ALWAYS care about you deeply.
We can’t imagine what you went through this summer. It was SO clear to us from the moment we met you how much you love your daughter, and we can’t imagine having to do what you did last month. We thought of you every single day and wished we could be doing more. Though we can try our best to put ourselves in your shoes, no one can fully understand what you went through except you.
I think the most we can do right now is make you promises for how we will raise the most beautiful little girl we’ve ever met. We hope to keep in touch and that you will see in some way every stage of her life, but I hope promises like these help a little more in your trust that we will love Anna Lee with everything we can.
We will fight to raise Anna Lee as best as we possibly can, starting most importantly by loving her. We will love her with every part of us, with the same love that you have for her. We will fight to show her who Jesus is. We will show her best we can how to treat others with love. As she becomes more and more independent we will do everything we can to make sure she has good friends, support, and community. We will keep her in school and do everything we can to make sure she never stops learning. As she grows older and gets married, we will support her and her family in every way that we can. We’ll make memories with her, travel with her, forgive her when she needs it, and give her guidance when she needs it. We’ll be there for her when she goes through good times and hard times, and make sure that she laughs…a lot.
I know that her life is going to fly by. You’re so right, she has already grown SO much. She’s talking a ton. She is a little social butterfly. She had such a good birthday! We thought of you a lot that day.
We love you and are so thankful God brought you and Anna Lee into our lives. We’ll never stop praying that she knows Jesus, that she loves others, that she loves herself, and that she grows up a happy girl! We’ll always care for you and pray the same for you. Thanks for trusting us! Hope to hear from you soon.
Her response was better than we ever hoped for. She loved the stories of her at the beach and her being fearless. She said, “it’s normal to be fearless when you feel safe.” She opened up more than she ever has about how the journey has been for her. We had never heard her talk about her own faith or struggles as much as she did in this letter.
She explained that went into stress mode when all of this started, wanting to fight to keep her daughter in every way that she could. It didn’t go her way though, but she sees that it went God’s. Right before she relinquished rights a new friend in her life saw how stressed she was. She grabbed her hands and started praying…praying that His will be done. In the days to come this prayer brought an overwhelming peace for her.
She again expressed how thankful she was for us. She remembered the first time she met Lane…she couldn’t stop crying because of the relief Lane brought her. Those feelings haven’t changed.
She explained that she is doing well, in both recovery programs and bible studies. She sees now how much she needed all of this to lean on God. Through all of this, He is showing her how to focus on Him again.
She ended by letting us know that she is also praying everyday…for us, for herself, and for His work to continue in her life. She wants to hear any stories, recordings of her, or anything at all that we can share as Anna Lee continues to grow.
Please continue to pray for Anna Lee’s birth mom. If I put myself in my friends’ and family’s shoes, it would be very hard for me to remember to pray for birth mom as the case moves forward, and especially if we are able to adopt Anna Lee. I understand that, so for now I ask that you please join us in praying for birth mom as she is still such a huge part of this story.